I have never felt more genuinely happy than I have the last few months. And maybe its the Zoloft (probably), or maybe its just the stage of my life I’m in right now, but I do know that I worked for this feeling. I have such a strong need to describe it, but I’ve been struggling to put it into words. This is my attempt to express it. It will feel a little all-over-the-place, and also pretty sappy, but this is also how it looks in my head. There are so many pieces that have gone into making the last few months so precious, but I’ll start with something to set the tone:
This is my summer playlist, or really, a collection of the many songs that have been playing over and over in the background for the last little bit. While some are on there just because I like them, many have connections to specific moments. I Knew It, I Know You feels like an understanding and validating conversation. Red Wine Supernova feels like finding an artist my mom and I both agree on (and adore). Close To You feels like driving home from a weekend at the cottage with my friends, windows down and music loud. Misses feels like teal water and mango ice cream at Sauble Beach. Drunk, Running feels like the lawn at Budweiser Stage, warm summer weather, and my best friend. Mess feels like discovering a very genuine new artist that I can relate to. You’re Gonna Go Far feels like watching everyone post about leaving for uni, knowing I’m heading into my senior year of high school. Dancing on My Own feels like a hug.
Music is such an important part of my life and of who I am as a person. I’ve been absolutely loving discovering new artists, like Chappell Roan, Noah Kahan, and Dominic Fike. There are so many artists, albums, and songs out there that I haven’t heard yet and that is so exciting and so upsetting at the same time.
What I am most grateful for are my friends and family. I’ve had a bit of a rough year navigating friendships, but it honestly has just made me appreciate what I have right now even more. I’ve become closer with some friends and even made new ones. I feel so so content with and loved by the people around me. Its such a sweet feeling to be surrounded by genuine people. To be not only fully accepted, but also appreciated, is something I so wish everyone could experience. It is amazing to be my whole self around all of my favourite people. Self-expression is so important to me, and the absence of judgment is an aspect of a relationship that I didn’t realize I needed.
While all of the amazing things I’ve mentioned have definitely contributed to how I’ve been feeling, I also have medication to thank for some of it. I was able to start on anxiety medication this year and it has, in the most non-cheesy way, changed my life. I didn’t know what to expect at the start, as I understood everyone has a different reaction to it. However, it has been such a positive change for me and I’m so so thankful for it. While I am very aware that it hasn’t completely solved all my problems or “cured” me of anxiety, it’s given me some clarity to see what I can do for myself to help manage my mental health.
After all this reminiscing, I want to also mention how much I’m looking forward to this school year and the things coming after. Grade 12 is such a big year and holds so many choices and opportunities. While I’m not fully sure of what I want my university experience to look like, I have a few ideas and they all excite me beyond words. My schedule for this school year is near-perfect and is going to make for a really good time as I take more courses in subjects I’m interested in. I’m taking a social science course and English right now and I’m genuinely loving the assignments and topics I’m learning about. Its a lot of fun to get into the stuff I’m passionate about. I’ve been volunteering at a dog rehabilitation center, which is so so so fun—I couldn’t recommend it enough. I love going there and it makes my day to see the positive impact I can have on some of the dogs there.
I’ve been feeling so painfully grateful for the lovely people I’ve become closer to, for the opportunities I’ve had, and for the lessons I’m learning. Even more, I have so much excitement for the next few years and the choices I’m going to get to make soon. I feel like I’m learning so much about who I am and where I belong, which is just so incredible. It is so important to reflect on what parts of your life are benefiting you, as well as which parts are weighing you down. Finding hobbies, activities, and people that lift you up can be SO beneficial to your mental health. I want to be super clear that these things obviously aren’t going to cure mental illness, but they can definitely help to minimize symptoms for some people—explore what works for you.
All the love,
Grace
all the love 
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